Close to the Edge
by RachXO
Summary: Ponyboy's illness was only the begining...How much pressure is too much?
1. walking a thin line

Title: Close to the Edge

Summary: Ponyboy hasn't been feeling up to his wits lately and he can't help but feel that something will give. The truth is he doesn't know how right he is.

Here lies Hurt!ponyboy and worried brothers…the good stuff.

I intend to cripple Ponyboy emotionally and physically then invite his brothers to watch. Yay!

….NO I'm not crazy, why do you ask?...

Nah I just thrive on brotherly angst and worry… and Ponyboy, my friends, is a prime candidate.

Anyways if this goes as I've planned it will be a fairly long story. This chapter will be on the short side as I'm just getting things going. This is set a couple years after the book so Ponyboy will be about 15-16ish which makes Soda 18.

Let's see how this goes shall we? Hehe

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Outsiders and I never will.

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Emptiness can be described in many ways and in many contexts. It can be used to explain something used or void of life or to explain the state of having or containing nothing. It may also describe the feeling of having no value or being inadequate. Currently Ponyboy felt the later.

Lying in his empty bed Pony rubbed his stomach in slow circles all the while staring absently at the ceiling. Time was beginning to take a toll on him and he knew he was close to breaking. He felt it in his core.

He didn't know what to do anymore. His grades have been slowly worsening and he could hardly force himself to do daily chores and activates. Hell, even just starting his day was something he would rather not do.

Getting up was something he did just for his brothers; to give them reassurance. He knows they have taken notice of his inactiveness and he knows he is worrying them. Still Pony can't seem to get out of this feels empty and emotionless. What could he do? He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach; a foreboding that something, soon, would snap.

Groggily Ponyboy turns onto his side and sits up. He has to at least attempt to study tonight and try to get caught up a little.

_Boy oh boy when Darry see's my report card I'm in for it_, Ponyboy thinks staring at his chemistry textbook. He picks up his pencil and begins to start flash cards when the sound of the door slamming open startles him into dropping it.

"I'm home!" Two-bit cries cheerfully from somewhere in the living room.

"This aint your home" Steve Sais starkly.

"Well soon enough ill get my own place and a nice, huge busted blonde to come home to" Two-bit explains happily.

"You aint even able to find a job so you can't afford a house, AND even if you did no way in hell a busty blonde would stay with you for more than an hour" The smirk on Steve's face could almost be heard and Ponyboy rolls his eyes from where he's sitting at his desk.

"my oh my Steve how you hurt me!" two-bit feigned a hurt voice before a loud slap filled Pony's ears followed soon by Soda's light laugh bouncing off the walls.

Ponyboy goes back to writing his flash cards all the while trying to ignore the loud banging coming from the other room.

A while later the door to the bedroom bursts open and Soda enters casually.

"Hey pone, studying?" Soda asks and pony notices the grease stain on his cheek and his ruffled hair.

Ponyboy nods and shoots his brother a halfhearted smile.

Soda smiles back and ruffles his kid brother's hair exaggeratedly. Then he strips off his shirt and throws it on the dirty floor and puts on a plain black one.

"Going out?" Ponyboy asks curiously all the while writing another definition down on his paper.

"Mhm were heading out to a party," Soda states eyeing his brother. His grin grows. "How about you come along? I'm sure it'll be fun" His eyes glow and he sits on the edge of their sofa.

"Nah I have to study and I don't feel much up to it." Ponyboy shrugs.

Soda's grin vanishes and his eyes grow serious. "Ponyboy, it's been awhile since you got out and had fun. It's Friday. Cant your studying wait till later?" Soda asks earnestly wanting his brother to get out and actually do something, maybe have a little fun.

Ponyboy just shakes his head. _Don't push this soda, please_. He thinks eyeing his older brother tiredly.

Soda stands up and walks close to Pony. "Come on it'll be fun and I'm sure threll be some pretty young girls there too. I think Curly's gonna be there. You guys haven't talked in awhile right?" Soda asks attempting to convince his stubborn brother.

Lately Soda has noticed a change in Ponyboy and it worried him. Pony used to tell him everything but now he hardly ever talks to Soda, despite living in the same house as him and sleeping in the same bed. It hurts Soda a little to know something is hurting his brother and he doesn't know what so he can help remedy it.

_In fact_, Soda thinks to himself, _I hardly know anything at all about Ponyboy lately_.

"Forget it Soda, I'm tired I don't feel like going out." A sigh escapes Ponyboy's lips and he sets down his pencil but doesn't move to turn towards his brother's stare, choosing instead to look at the words in his textbook.

"_But _you never go out anymore, you barely even talk to me these days Pone. What's going on?" Soda asks seriously touching his brother's arm and turning Pony to face him.

"Nothing Soda, leave me alone will ya? I don't need you down my throat right now." Ponyboy tries to shrug off Soda's hand.

Soda looks hurt by Ponys harsh words but doesn't let go of his grip on his younger brother's arm. Soda chooses to say nothing but stare at his brother.

"Lay off Soda. I'm serious. I just don't feel good and I gotta' headache so please _lay off_."

"No Pony, me and you ought to have a talk." Soda lessened his grip but didn't fully let go, instead laying his hand on Pony's arm gently. Pony dosent even try to correct his grammar.

"I've noticed you aint been yourself and I wanna know what's up? Don't you trust me anymore?" Soda lets his hand slide off.

Ponyboy looks up at his older brother, eyes full and telling. Soda feels taken aback by his brother's empty and dull stare.

Ponyboy looks as if he were about to say something before he lets it die on his lips. Soda's concern grows.

"Come on Pony, let's get out tonight. For me?" Soda manages a halfhearted smile looking at his brother hopefully.

"Yeah Soda sure. Okay I'll go." Ponyboy gives in, if anything just wanting things to be normal again too.

More than anything he wants to go back to when things were normal. When he could see a movie with Johnny, when Dally was around, when his parents were able to be in the kitchen cooking happily and lightly talking about their days.

Pony wants it more than anything.

Yet he knows it'll never happen.

Ponyboy notices he was staring off and looks up at Soda and gives him a fake smile. Soda seems satisfied enough and pats Ponyboy's head a couple times before leaving the room.

Sighing Ponyboy Straightens down his hair and thinks dejectedly _tonight is gonna be a long night._

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On the ride there Ponyboy can feel a real headache starting to form and touches his temple gingerly. Two-bit has the radio on loud and is singing along obnoxiously while Steve and Soda are in deep conversation about a mechanical issue that happened at the DX earlier.

"—aint it Pony?" Ponyboy startles and looks to two-bit realizing he was talking to him.

"What'd you say Two-bit?" I say loudly to get my voice to carry over the loud music.

"Aint listening to me? Why I'm hurt." Two-bit makes a sad face touching his hand to his chest while the other is on the steering wheel the winks at me. "Head in the clouds kid?"

"No! I just can't hear you over the loud music!" Ponyboy sais a bit louder than was necessary to show his annoyance.

Suddenly a hot pain hits Ponyboy in his chest and for a second he can't breathe; can't think. It passes as soon as it comes and Pony lets out a shaky breath. He looks up to see Two-bit staring at him intently.

"You okay there Ponyboy?" two-bits asks sharply. This gets Soda's attention and he turns his head quickly to look at his younger brother.

"Yeah just had a weird pain but it passed." Ponyboy explains distractedly putting his hand where the pain had been just a moment ago.

"You okay now?" Soda asks and Ponyboy chuckles uneasily.

"Yeah I'm good it's gone. Let's just get this over with."

"You know, you don't have to come." Steve said, speaking up. It was not in a nice way. His smirk is annoying as ever and Ponyboy feels back to normal, already forgetting the pain.

"You know, you don't have to be an ass, but it's too late to change both our problems now isn't it?"

"Smart ass" Steve mutters while Two-bit laughs.

Soda gives Ponyboy a strange look before he manages a smile his brother's way and continues his conversation with Steve.

They pull into a diner and everyone gets out of the truck, which happens to be Darry's, and the gang walk into the small burger joint.

Two-bit strides up to the counter and starts flirting with the girl who takes the orders. Steve and Soda roll their eyes.

Ponyboy just wishes he could be at home in bed. The smell of the food makes him sick. Lately food hasn't had much appeal to him. _What's wrong with me?_ He thinks to himself

"Waddya want to eat Pone?" Soda asks distractedly pushing at Steve who's checking out a girl eyeing him and Soda.

"Nothin I'm not hungry."

Soda looks at him a moment then shrugs. A grin high on his face.

"Okay suit yourself." With that Soda pushes Steve forward towards Two-bit.

Ponyboy can hear as they walk off Soda saying "knock it off. You got Stevie." Steve then laughs and then they're out of ear shot.

Ponyboy's left standing and feeling alone in a room full of people.

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After eating they all clambered back into the truck and were heading off toward the party. Ponyboy didn't know who was throwing it and he doubted Soda did either.

Sighing Pony looks out the window. After ahile he notices they're pulling into the street.

Cars are parked everywhere, even on the lawn of the house of whoever was throwing the party.

There's large groups of people standing around outside and drinking happily. Even more loud music coming from inside the building.

Two-bit swears and Sais they'll park a block away.

Ponyboy's headache throbs and he mentally prepares himself. He really didn't feel like socializing. His social life hasn't been great lately and he hasn't even bothered looking for a best friend after Johnny. He feels the constriction in his chest again. Looking up Ponyboy realized everyone had already gotten out of the car. He moves slowly and inches out of the car.

Soda, Steve, and Two-bit wait for pony as he climbs out of the truck slowly. Pony's feet touch the ground. Suddenly Ponyboy doesn't feel too hot.

Soda notices and is by his brother side in an instant.

"Pony? Are you alright? You don't look to good." Two-bit asks trailing up behind the two brothers while Soda puts his hand on his brother's forehead. He's surprised to feel it burning up.

"You feel like you're running a fever. We should go home." Soda states looking toward Two-bit while Steve emits a sound of annoyance.

Suddenly Ponyboy can't find his feet and the world starts spinning.

"Soda-" he whispers and his older brother realizes what's happening. He grabs onto Ponyboy as Pony's world becomes black.

Soda wasn't prepared and they both hit they're knees.

Its quiet for a small moment and then chaos erupts.

"Ponyboy! Pony! Pone!" Soda screeches. He frantically shakes his younger brother.

Steve is by Soda in an instant. "Two-bit go have them call for an ambulance! Hurry! Now!"

Two-bit is pale as he looks at Ponyboy _not again not again not again_ he thinks to himself quickly before turning onto his heels and running into the house.

Steve touches Soda's shoulder and tells him an ambulance is coming.

Ponyboy feels so frail and thin in Soda's arms.

"Pone. Please don't do this. What's wrong? Pone? Ponyboy! Wake up!" Soda shakes his brother heftily.

Ponyboy's head rolls to the side and this scares Soda so much he grabs onto his brother tightly, supporting pony's neck with his hands. Soda looks towards Steve.

"Steve! What do I do? What do I do? He won't wake up!" Soda is so frightened.

Steve reaches down and feels pony's wrist. His pulse is there. Weak but there.

Steve doesn't know what to do. Doesn't even know what to say. While keeping his hand on Ponyboy's wrist he looks at Soda and then at Ponyboy.

The sound of the ambulance fills the street.

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AN: sorry about any grammar mistakes

Oh and sorry for the cliffy xD I couldn't help it. Just to warn you Pony's illness is not going to be that serious id rather focuses on him having a perhaps bad case of depression and a few bad scenarios. I don't plan on this being a disease centered story.

Don't worry there will be plenty of delicious brotherly worry in the next chapter. :D

Don't be afraid to review and tell me what you think it would be appreciated!

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	2. standby

Chapter Two

Through The Looking Glass

By the time the ambulance sirens fill the street Ponyboy was beginning to regain consciousness. He was staring blearily into the worried faces of Soda, Steve, and Two-bit. He could comprehend barley anything, only registering the slow throb of an ache in his chest.

Soda was stroking his brother's hair softly as the sounds of the approaching ambulance bounced off the street.

He looked down at his brother with trepidation and, admittedly, he was scared out of his wits. A million questions went in and out of Sodas head as he wondered repeatedly _what was wrong_?

As the paramedics rushed out of the vehicle they asserted the young Boys vitals. Soda kneeled off to the side to allow passage to the medics.

He couldn't collect himself. This was his baby brother. He was sick and again this time he didn't know what to do about it or what was causing it.

He thought about Darry. He had to get Darry. For the second time since Ponyboy lost consciousness he looked sharply towards Steve and an approaching Two-bit.

"Darry, get Darry." Sodas voice broke on the words and he looked towards his brother again, rising as the paramedics did.

Two-bit and Steve looked at each other before two-bit fished his keys out of his pocket. "I'll go get him Soda."

Soda looked at two-bit and rested his hand on his shoulder to convey his gratitude.

Two-bit looked at Soda for a minute before turning with Steve to run to Two-bit's car.

As Two-bit and Steve left speeding down the street an older Medic looked toward Sodapop. He noted the resemblance between him and the young boy.

"He your brother?"

Soda looked startled out of his thoughts and looked at the Medic. He processed the question and nodded his head twice in affirmation, not trusting to use his voice.

_Yeah I'm his brother _ he thought to himself squeezing his left wrist with his right hand. His fingernails dug into the skin slightly but he didn't care.

"Hop in the front seat son and we'll give ya ride." Soda looked thankfully at the paramedic before glancing toward where they were placing Pony in the back.

When the doors shut he turned toward the paramedic and followed him toward the front seat of the ambulance.

He breathed in deeply and Climbed into the passenger seat, noting this was going to be a long drive.

Two-bit POV

When I saw the kid sway I knew he was going down. The suddenness of it all shocked me into stepping backwards and letting a small gasp escape my lips.

Soda instantly caught him.

The silence that followed was out of shock and then-

"Ponyboy! Pony! Pone!" Soda screeches. He frantically shakes the kid.

Steve is by Soda in an instant. "Two-bit go have them call for an ambulance! Hurry! Now!"

I feel my face instantly drain and I take a second to comprehend. I look at Ponyboy _not again not again not again_

I turn on my heels and run for the nearest house. As I approach the door I note there are a man and woman standing outside viewing the commotion. I run to them quickly.

"Do you have a phone? Please call an ambulance! A kid needs help!"

The man looks at me, nods, and then rushes into his house. The woman looks worried

"what happened?" She asks gently.

"I don't Know, I don't know…he wasn't feeling that well…" Then it hits Two-bit. In the car the chest pain. He is no doctor but he wonders if that has anything to do with what's wrong with the kid.

The woman nods kindly as the man rejoins her.

"I did it they're on their way."

I say polite thanks then rush back to the group.

Soda looks paler than a ghost, face devoid of any color. "Darry, Get Darry." His voice breaks and he looks me in the eyes.

I knew what I had to do.

Soda rises as the paramedics do.

I look toward the kid. He looks bad, real bad.

"I'll go get him Soda." I say softly digging into my pockets to find my keys. As I locate them I turn to face Soda.

Before turning to his brother he lays a hand gently on my shoulder in gratitude. I take it then pat Steve, who looks increasingly worried, and we rush to the car.

Darry POV:

I was tired. It had been a particularly hard week and I was definitely ready for some R&R time.

Earlier in the night I had slowly worked the newspaper out of the rubber band bind it was in, opened up to a page and sat back on the couch to read.

But now, boy oh boy was I tired. I kicked off my shoes and stood up, deciding to go to bed.

I took a moment to glance out of the window. Ponyboy was out and normally I would be worried about him getting into trouble or something.

But tonight I was decidedly happy he was out and about.

I have noticed how Ponyboy has been acting lately and it is disquieting.

I have attempted to open up to Pony but the boy is a shell. I always saw him as someone who wore his heart on his sleeve, open and always wanting to talk. But now he rarely ever spoke unless spoken to.

I have tried to have an intervention with him to ask him what's been going on recently, but he just sat there and looked down.

I'm not a nitwit and I know the signs of depression. He has been worrying me recently to the point where I have been losing sleep.

_Soda's with him_ I reassure myself. And if anybody is worried about Pony and would try to get him to have a good time it would be Sodapop.

Again I look out the window and hope that Ponyboy going out was a sign of him getting better, but in the back of my mind there was a tiny seed of doubt.

I take a deep breath and sigh rather loudly before heading back to my room to go to sleep.

The loud bang of the front door opening startles me into awakening. I look up in the dark.

I wonder who is in the house. The boys were all out and no way were they coming back that early.

Timorous, I grab the wooden baseball bat I keep beside my bed when I sleep and rise slowly out of the blankets.

But before I reach the door,

"Darry!" a loud booming voice echoes throughout the house.

Steve. God it was Steve.

Why was he here? Why was he screaming my name?

Something happened. I know it. I feel it.

But before I have my hand on the doorknob Steve is throwing it open.

I step back and he sighs apparently having found me.

He takes a second to collect himself and I prepare for what's next.

Steve takes in a deep breath and starts,

"Darry, I'm sorry-"

But before the rest of the words leave his mouth I grab him by the shoulders.

"What happened?" I give his shoulders a shake before letting go.

Steve looks frightened and he looks down at his hands.

"We gotta go Dar, to the hospital."

At the word hospital I can feel my face lose all color and I take in a deep breath.

"Who? How?" I can't stop the shaking in my voice.

My brain thinks subconsciously to my brothers, hoping and willing it not to be them. To be some crazy misunderstanding.

"It was Pony he was all fine and then he was just down Darry, He just hit the ground…"

I look at him a moment and then run beside him and out of the bedroom.

I grab my keys hurriedly, my mind thinking frantically about Pony.

I can't help but notice a picture of him and me and soda by the front door.

I shut my eyes and gather myself before rushing out the front door and slamming it shut behind me.

AN:

OK so IM SOOO SORRY that this was so late it's just that I was incredibly disappointed in the first chapter and how it turned out. More like embarrassed haha. There was an incredible amount of grammatical errors and it's sad that I'm 16 and still make such major errors.

But now I'm back and inspired! I actually took my time with this chapter…and am a little happier with the outcome.

How did you like Two-bit and Darry's POV? I personally found it easier to write in first person.

I want to personally apologize to all those who liked my story and had to wait so long for an update. And thank you so much for reading so far! Reviews inspire me to write faster, it may be sad but its true so please do! 3

I figured out it takes me a good 2 days to write a good chapter and so I will probably update every 2 days from now on…

I have decided to give Pony a little disease but not anything serious just something to explain the chest pain. It will probably increase his depression kehehe!

Were in for a long ride with this story!

Ps: sorry for the minor cliffy…I just couldn't resist!


	3. denial, denial, denial

AN: okay so admittedly I had given up hope on this story.

I cant believe I gave up and just quit this story cold turkey.

but I kept getting such wonderful reviews and alerts and they inspired me to continue it despite my errors. I want to thank all of you who will still read this. the thing is I had a lot of reasons to why I was unable to update faster. first, obviously I hated how fast I had taken the story and my own personal peeve of the errors in the story. I feel like I rushed in too fast.

but now I have a direction. Im glad I did so because I now have the next 3 chapters pre-written and almost ready to go. I wanted to do this because I hate it when stories only get updated once a month haha! I should be able to update twice or three times a week if I keep up what Ive been doing.

Next is my laptop has been broken for over a month now. I just about cried myself to sleep. Nah but seriously I love my laptop and it had my story and obviously my tools to update. But now its fixed and mobile. Thank you guys so very much for the reviews. I hope I can get back to you and I really appreciate it. Here goes the next chapter!

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Ponyboy –

I feel heavy. My whole body feels _heavy_. I want to open my eyes but I find myself lacking the energy.

I can vaguely hear voices but I don't pay them any attention. I'm so tired and I feel strangely as if I am trapped, but its not painful and my body's numb. It's a weird sensation.

I try to concentrate on waking up but I find myself falling further and further into myself. I want to scream, open my eyes, understand what was happening but I can't even move, no matter what I do.

I wonder silently if im dead.

Vaguely I can feel a squeeze on my hand, but I don't understand nor do I register what it means.

I'll just rest a little more…

Xxx

Soda –

Darry and I were being escorted into my brothers hospital room and I've calmed down a lot. After arriving at the hospital I hopped out and was determined to go with my brother.

The man I rode with in the ambulance, Thomas his nametag read, put his hand in my way and blocked me from going with him. He explained that I wasn't allowed in, that I would only be in there way. My argument died on my lips and I let him escort me to the waiting room for this ward.

I sit for god knows how long when _they_ finally get here.

Darry rushes to me and grabs me gently by the shoulders. My face must look dumbfounded and confused because he doesn't ask questions, instead pulling me into a brief and sturdy hug. I feel little and afraid. I just, I just don't know what to do.

We sit then and wait.

After a half hour of waiting Two-bit was getting impatient and stampeded to the nurses desk. Instead of flirting with the young lady he drills her for news on pony. The pretty young nurse looks irritated and finally replies in a clipped tone "sir if don't know anything how can you expect me to give you information? Sit down before I have you removed." Two-bit scowled and then plopped down beside Steve drawing a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it up.

A nurse finally, _finally_ calls us and leads us to his room.

Darry and I make a straight b-line for Pony and I clutch his hand in mine firmly. Its cold, very cold. He looks so sickly, so _pale_. I kiss his hand and Darry brushes his hair aside from his face. I look at the tubes he has on him and then look at his face. I just sit and stare, scared out of my mind. I hear a soft sigh and look at Darry's face and see he is scared also. No longer superman but a scared and worried older brother. This frightens me more.

"A doctor will be here shortly." I don't turn around to acknowledge the nurse. Instead choosing to rub slow circles into Pony's hand. I want to touch him and let him know he's alright. The nurse had reassured us before letting us into his room that he was in stable condition which I had nearly sagged in relief to find out.

But now looking at him, well he sure looked sick.

"It'll be okay Pone, this is nothing. Nothing my little brother can't handle."

Then the door opened and the doctor walked in.

Darry –

"Hello I am Dr. Kimbell and I am Ponyboy's attending physician. I understand it that you, Darell is it, are Ponyboy's legal guardian? Nice to meet you." He gave my hand a firm shake.

"Yes, formalities aside please tell me doctor, whats wrong with my little brother?" I looked at him square in the face, ready for what he was going to say.

"Well, if you may take a seat please?"

I sat in a spare chair by Pony's bed and glanced at Soda who looked pale scared. If he was asking me to sit-

"Ponyboy was admitted after losing consciousness from an unexplained chest pain," the doctor looked toward Soda who nodded his affirmation stiffly.

"After doing a few tests we discovered your brother to be lacking sufficiently in red blood cells. This is commonly known as anemia."

When we didn't respond he continued,

"While a person is lacking in these red blood cells they might experience light-headedness, a fever, headaches, chest pain, loss of consciousness, extreme bouts of fatigue, all of which can be very dangerous. Ponyboy seems to have been lucky that he was with you when he lost consciousness."

Soda looked up at the doctor and was pale as a sheet.

"now please don't think too much of it because anemia is only a temporary problem caused by many types of things. Ponyboy seems to have a rather severe condition of it. What concerns me is that these problems were caused by neglect to his health.

Ponyboy has not been eating and receiving proper nourishment to sustain his well-bieng. For a young boy there has to be a certain amount of iron in ones diet to sustain a healthy lifestyle but it appears your brother has been not even been eating daily. This is a big cause of anemia especially among young people. I understand as well that he has a tendency to neglect himself his proper needs, as noted by his previous counselor during the Bob Sheldon case, and want you to take steps and guide him away from his, well, self-destructive nature.

We want to keep him overnight and get him hydrated and replenish his fluids. Tommorow we will be able to release him first thing." The doctor looked ready to stand but I stood first.

"Dr. Kimbell, I have a few questions if you don't mind me asking." I inquired.

Dr Kimbell inclined his head, "But of course."

"how do you propose I go about helping him. Is he well, depressed or something? How can I help my brother?"

The doctor's brow furrowed.

"I am no phscologist son but from a medical standpoint see to it that he eats his meals and excersises. Id also have him be active join a sport, go out."

I nodded and the doctor stood.

"A nurse will come to change his fluids every hour or so, so please make yourselves comftorable."

"Thank you" I spoke up extending my hand. He once again gave my hand a hefty shake

"Boy's it was nice to meet you. I hope I do not have to see you here again." He them took his leave.

I turned to Soda and he was staring down at Pony's nails, face pinched in thought. My muscles contracted and I clenched my fists.

Soda looks at me desperately.

"What do we do about this dar? I knew it was bad, but not this bad. Look at how much weight he's lost. Its bad I can even see his ribcage from under the sheet! When he pulled away I should have looked harder! How could I have not have seen this? Im supposed to know these things, how could I not know?" Soda's guilt ate away at my conscious, intensifying my own. I shoved my fists into my pockets. Truth is I feel like vomiting.

"I know Soda, I know. We have to do something, come up with a plan, anything." I paused looking into soda's helpless face.

"Im worried" I admitted taking my hands out and staring at my knuckles. Soda looked down.

Just then we heard Pony groan. His hand twitched.

"Pony, buddy? Pone?" Soda questioned quietly.

I came around and sat beside his bed. I brushed his hair out of his face. "Ponyboy?"

Pony's bleary eyes looked toward soda before settling on mine.

"Dar-Darry? Wha-?"

"Shh, pone, your ok. Your at the hospital. Do you remember what happened?" I looked at my brothers face intently.

Pony's eyes clouded over and he nodded.

"Soda, oh glory soda im sorry. The party," Soda cut him off and sighed,

"Ponyboy the last thing you have to worry about is that party. It means nothing compared to this."

Pony looked down toward the sheets. "what happened?" he inquired. "whats wrong?" Pony looked up at each of us warily.

"Nothing, pony, nothing. we do have some things to talk about though." I said cautiously, slowly.

Ponyboy looked confused.

" Is there something you would like to talk about with us?" I expected some reaction from him but pony just lowered his head. I noticed he had lost what little color he had in his face.

"You know we have to talk kiddo, so please tell me and soda why you haven't been eating enough? Why you ended up passing out on a street corner because you refuse to take good care of yourself? What are you trying to do huh ponyboy?"

"Darry," Pony began looking young and scared. "Im tired. Can I rest some more?"

I felt my jaw clench. He looked really tired and pale.

"yeah, but were going to talk about this."

Pony nodded weakly and I sighed. I came over and took his hand.

"Whats going on Pone? Tell me, let me help you." I wanted him to talk to me, trust me.

"Im fine Darry, there aint nothing wrong. Its just an accident or whatever. Didn't mean to." Pony raised his eyes to mine. They were cold and empty looking. I shivered.

"If you were even close to fine you wouldn't be laying in a hospital bed right now."

Ponyboy refused to comment and turned away from me, facing Soda who looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Hey, Pone maybe you should listen to Darry?" Soda questioned him softly but once again pony refused to comment. This made me angry. Why did he have to be so stubborn?

I looked at my brother before standing up and leaving the room to cool down. The last thing I wanted to do was yell at ponyboy in his condition right now.

Ponyboy-

God I cant talk about it. How was I even supposed to begin?

I cant stand this. they know now they know now they know now.

If I felt trapped before life would be horrible now.

Why did I agree to go out with Soda? Im so stupid.

Im a worthless person,

Stupid

Idiot

Dumb-ass

Nothing but a waste

Why am I such a Screw up? and then I have to go and make my own brothers worry about me again. No saying how much this little visit is going to cost. I want to cry but I don't, wont, because I cant.

Why am I such an idiot?

I look over at Soda and he's just staring because he dosent even know what to say. He cant say a thing because how do you talk to a worthless screw-up? And Darry left. Angry at me again.

Please just go away. Please just leave me alone. I want to be alone right now. Go away. I can feel my eyes sting but still I hold it back.

Looking at my brothers faces, the hospital room, god I just wish things were normal. Please go back to the way things were.

Please.

X x x x x x x x x x

Please point out any errors, tell me if the POV's are off, and just plain old tell me what you think. It is so much appreciated!

Also, I think im going to make ponyboy get a little excitement In his life. You probably don't know what I mean kekeke

Reviews make me update faster

ALSSSO ive been thinking about doing an outsiders one-shot based word of the day kind of story. So basically id have a random word generator give me a random word and then create a oneshot off of that word. Obviously there would be a lot of angsty, sad, dramatic, happy, romantic, so on chapters.

Ive read stories with this accomplished and they are amazing! Seriously! If you think this is a good idea please tell me when you review :3

Ps happy memorial day weekend. I appreciate all of the many people who have and will give there lives for this country. I hope yall do too! Have a nice weekend :D


	4. Puzzle Pieces

OKAY I KNOW ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR. No excuses! Just please accept my sincere apology! I hope if I show some more consistency, you guys will forgive me! The reviews are all so very sweet! Thank you all so much! It really means the world. I love every single last one, and each one makes me so happy!

And so, on with the story!

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Chapter 4 – Puzzle Pieces

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Sodapop POV –

The nursing staff was kind enough to let us stay by Ponyboy for his entire stay, and me and Darry were thankful. I held onto his hand sturdily, as much for his sake as my own throughout the entire night, and willed myself to think. As the fear grew with each thought my worry skyrocketed.

Ponyboy was now really starting to scare me.

I know that he has been through a lot for a kid his age, like losing his parents at an important time for a young boy, that whole mess with Bob Sheldon, and watching both of his closest friends die within hours of each other—

It would be too much for any man to handle, let alone someone like Ponyboy.

Throughout our lives I always held onto the hope that he had been miraculously untouched by the circumstances around him, golden and innocent and_ perfect _in so many ways. In fact, for a long time now I had desperately clung to this way of thinking, letting it reassure me. I think all of us had.

Now, however, I know that this had only been wishful thinking and very, very unfair to Ponyboy.

I'm such a horrible, sad excuse for a brother. And to think I had felt so confident that I knew him better than anyone else.

_Yeah. Right. This is reality Sodapop._ No one could experience what he has and come out unscathed. I'd been too idiotic and blind to accept that, but I see now.

Ponyboy was in pain, and I foolishly didn't try hard enough to understand why. Even though somewhere I knew deep down that something might really be wrong.

I want nothing more than to help him and looking at him now, I realize I had failed horribly at doing this in the past. I am scared for him, scared that things might get worse. I know Darry feels the same way; I could tell by the way he was barely holding himself together.

But if I knew one thing for certain; I wasn't going to make another mistake with Ponyboy.

Ponyboy slept in his hospital bed the entire night, not waking once, the doctor referred to him as being highly lethargic and needing to replenish his fluids and get his blood sugar regulated. They also thought it would be wise to provide him with proteins and such through an IV on his arm; thus earning Pony his overnight stay.

And while Pony slept me and Darry tried to talk about what we needed to do to set right our stubborn little brother.

Darry's face looked weary throughout the entire conversation; sometimes he would bury his head in his hands or shake his head exhaustedly.

At one point I just said, "Darry, we can't let him continue with this. He will end up killing himself. This has to end here. Tonight."

Darry looked me squarely in the eyes. "Soda, he's just so stubborn. I swear I don't know where he gets it from. How do you suppose we go about this? Getting him to open up I mean." He sounded pleading which left an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

I hated Darry sounding like this, especially when our little brother was concerned.

"I aint too sure Darry. He hasn't exactly 'opened up' to me lately. We have to get him to though Dar—it's bad enough it came to this. I won't let this happen a second time." I meant it. I'll be damned if I fail him twice. I don't care how stubborn he is or how difficult it might be. I would move heaven and hell if it would protect Pony.

Darry nodded his head in affirmation. He looked at Pony's sleeping face and wrung his hand together in his lap.

"We bring him home tomorrow. We'll talk to him then." Darry looked back towards me, his eyes determined.

I looked over to Pony as well. His face was pale and gauntly. I remembered then when Pony was little and an image of his overjoyed smile popped into my mind.

"Darry, I can't stand seeing him like this. He's got so much going for him, and yet bad things always hafta' happen to him. It's just too unfair." I said sadly, my confusion evident in every word.

"He needs our support now more than ever Sodapop." Darry word's seemed so earnest. He loved Ponyboy just as much as me, and I'm sure he was just as scared as I was.

I knew he would try. We both would have too; we'd tackle Pony's ghosts together, or else I'm afraid that we'll lose Ponyboy to them.

xxxxxx

Darry POV-

The next morning I woke up leaning against the wall in the plastic chair by Ponyboy's hospital bed.

My back hurt something awful from sleeping in these horribly uncomfortable chairs and I stretched my back out hearing its swift cracking in the processes.

I looked over to see that Pony and Soda were both still asleep, Soda's arm leaning over Pony's chest. I looked sadly at this and then shifted my eyes toward the clock.

6:00 huh?

Softly I brushed the sweaty hair out of Pony boy's eyes before I stood up quietly and stepped outside the door. I had a lot of things that needed to get done, and I wasn't sure when today Ponyboy's doctor was going to discharge him.

I knew I had to call Two-bit and Steve and tell them what was going on, and then I had to call work and tell them I was missing a day. I moaned, dreading having to deal with my asshole of a boss.

Also I wanted to head down to the cafeteria and grab a coffee, and while I was on the first floor I needed to get my wallet out of my truck to see how many coins I had to make the calls.

Sighing, I made my way to the cafeteria knowing I would need some coffee first.

Xxxxxxx

When I trudged back up toward the room at around 6:40 Sodapop was sitting awake, hair ruffled and looking at Ponyboy. I felt bad, he had only gotten a couple hours of sleep.

Without wanting to startle him I whispered quietly, "Soda, I see your up."

He still jumped slightly but turned to smile halfheartedly at me. "Hey Dar, where you been?" He asked quietly.

I gave him a very light slap on his back reassuringly before handing him the hot chocolate I had gotten him. I got one for Pony too, in case he was awake as well, but he was still out cold, his chest rising and falling arithmetically.

He looked at me thankfully, sipping it. I sat Pony's down on the counter off to the right.

"So when can we get out of here?" Soda asked imploringly.

I knew he hated hospitals, especially when one of our family members was involved. I knew the feeling, being here made things all too real and I was much too wary of our luck.

I wanted Pony out of here just as bad.

When we do check out though it will be time to talk, and while I'm nervous I'm hoping desperately he will let us talk to him and help him.

The doctor came by about an hour later and I signed his discharge papers.

He shook my hand once more, saying that there was no need to file this, because he might have accidently misplaced the forms, after all doctors make mistakes too. He winked at me as he spoke and I realized I owe that man a lot, knowing he might as well just have saved me from having to deal with social services.

Breathing a sigh of relief I stared at Ponyboy before gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up.

Pony sat up sleepily, surprise in his eyes as he saw me here. I wondered why and wanted to ask him, but brushed it aside for the time being.

"Okay Pone, time to get you home." I said gently coming over and rubbing his hair. His round eyes looked even more surprised and I wondered if he was angry with me.

Soda grabbed his arm and we helped him up. After changing into his previous clothes from last night, I realized just how thin he was.

His ribs stuck out sharply and his hip bones jutted out obviously.

When was the last time I saw him without a shirt on? I couldn't remember ever seeing his body look this way. I thought I might be sick for a second before I noticed Pony staring at me with a blank stare.

I asked what was wrong but he once again didn't answer. I felt him shy away from me.

Yep. Guilt was on full throttle. I felt like such a failure as an older brother. He was my responsibility and someone I loved, so why had I been so oblivious?

We all piled into the truck and Soda and I tried to make light conversation with him but he replied in quick and clipped answers, staring at his hands nervously.

I pulled out of the hospital drive and onto the road, looking at my youngest in the mirror silently. Soda looked toward me and then back to Pony and up again. His eyes spoke intervention, and he mouthed TODAY.

I nodded my head then looked out toward the road noticing the house's rushing by.

When we pulled up to our house it was nearly 10. I noticed that Two-bit and Steve's car's weren't here and it looked strange because I felt like one or the other of not both were always parked in front of our house or in our driveway. Normally it drove me insane.

I said a silent thanks to them for not coming today like I had asked them. We had things we needed to talk about that I doubt Ponyboy would discuss with company around.

"_Is the kid okay?" Two-bit asked, wanting to know what the hell had happened. After they had gotten me I had sped off to the only hospital we have here in Tulsa, leaving Steve behind at the door of the house. _

_Two-bit explained that when they got here they refused them entrance, stating family only. And since neither of them could prove that they actually were they gave up and headed back to our house to wait it out. _

_When I didn't get an answer at either of their houses I figured that they might be at mine still and, low and behold, they were._

_I promised I would keep them in the loop and they could come over tomorrow. Two-bit and Steve sounded relieved and I wish I could explain that there was still much to worry about. But that would have to wait for when I saw them, I didn't have enough time to tell them over the phone._

I pulled into the driveway and looked in the backseat at Ponyboy and Soda. Pony's eyebrow's were furrowed in frustration and then he gingerly touched his forehead.

"Headache?" Soda asked calmly and Pony nodded his head.

"I'll get you some aspirin Pone, go in and sit on the couch." I told him evenly, looking at his pained face. I wonder if he knew what was coming. I didn't doubt that he did.

He nodded once.

We all jumbled out of the car, and I went ahead to unlock the door.

I watched as Ponyboy crossed the lawn, stumbling slightly as he went and then climbed the steps, with Soda on his heels, and made his way up and into his home.

Now… it was time to face the music.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I know where I'm headed with this! And although it may seem like its closing up— it's definitely not! I have some very interesting ideas in my head but I'm also open to suggestions. So please leave feedback!

Please point out any errors and review. I LOVE them dearly, and I'm sure it's true for any writer but they inspire us to write faster!

Thank you! :D

XoRach


	5. It Take's a Meltdown

Chapter 5

It takes a meltdown

Darry POV

The next few days went by in a blur and Ponyboy still refused to eat. He just sat there defiantly and refused to say anything making me and Soda more and more uncomfortable.

"I just can't Darry," Ponyboy would explain afterwards dejectedly, breaking Darry's heart at how hopeless he sounded "I just can't."

"Yeah well you have to Pony!" I would snap at him and he would just sit there face down, looking past his hands and lost in his own world.

The guys would come by but Ponyboy would avoid them, going into his room and cocooning himself in his sheets. Two-bit tried his best to coax him out but Pony remained stuck in his rut, isolating himself in any way he could.

I was really starting to feel like the situation was out of my hands and I was afraid I might have to bring him to a doctor. I voiced my worries to Soda a week after we had brought him home and Soda put his face in his hands and took a deep breath.

"Darry, this is bad. What do we do? I definitely don't want to commit him but I'm afraid that if we don't—" Soda broke off again in a short puff and took a few shaky breaths, looking on the verge of a panic attack.

"Let's try talking to him again tonight," I offered "Try a little harder and if that still doesn't work I'll have to look into other options..."

Soda just looked at me with such a look of hopelessness I would forever remember it.

"We got to try so goddam hard Darry, beacause I aint gonna lose my little brother," Soda declared angrily "no way in hell!"

"I know Soda I feel the same way," My head shook with confirmation belaying the storm I felt in my gut. "I feel the same way…"

Pony

I knew what effect my behavior was having on my brothers. _I knew. _It was just the second food was brought in front of my face there was nothing in the world that could make me eat it.

It confused me in a way that I was left almost bewildered. At times my stomach would growl and I would think I would be hungry but when I saw that food there all I wanted to do was vomit. Dirt sounded more appealing to me. So when Darry sat me down after a week that I'd been discharged I wasn't really surprised.

Darry found me right after I had gotten home from a walk and gripped my elbow and gave me a look I knew meant _let's talk. _Soda was still working his shift at the DX and I glanced to the clock and wondered when he would arrive home. Then I turned my attention to my eldest brother, who sat directly across from me.

Darry's eyes bore into my own, searching for something. I looked on back, feeling a surge of emotion I couldn't quite explain.

"Ponyboy, you need to knock it the hell off now…" Darry began uncertainly, cruel in his tact. "If you don't, you're going to kill yourself. Do you understand that?! You will die Ponyboy." His eyes continued staring ruthlessly into mine.

Something about his phrasing sent a shot of humor through me and I bit down hard to suppress a smile. But still the smile didn't escape Darry.

"You think this is funny?! Jesus Christ Ponyboy is this how you take your life, as a joke!" Darry boomed loudly, pushing out of his seat at our table where we currently having this conversation.

When my continued silence exposed me Darry suddenly slumped. He looked at me with such a turbulent of emotions I didn't know what to say so I turned my eyes downward, away from his stormy eyes.

"I love you Ponyboy. I mean it… god damnit look at me while I say this," Darry reached out and cupped my face in his hands strongly.

"I love you Ponyboy and Soda does too, I know we don't say it as often as we should but we do. We need you to be okay kiddo; we need it so goddam bad." Darry's eyes had a sheen to them that turned Ponyboy's stomach into knots.

"I'm so sorry Darry, I am so sorry. I know but I just—I just can't straighten myself out Dar, there's something wrong with me." I pleaded to him desperately, suddenly needing him to understand the situation, needing him to see my side, and most of all needing him to understand me.

Darry looked at me intensely, "What can I do Ponyboy? What can I do?"

The fear and anguish in the tone of Darry's voice frightened me. I didn't know how to answer that.

Suddenly we heard the squeal of Soda's car pulling into the driveway. I glanced at the door while Darry continued to stare right at me.

Soda came in with a handful of food, and I felt a hitch in my throat as I realized that I realized it was food from Jostens.

Jostens was the first food place Darry had taken me and Soda to a month after our parents had died. It was the best meal I had ever had in my life.

Emotion built up so strong in my chest that I couldn't stop the tears that began to fall from my eyes. I tore away from my my brothers and fell to my knees as a sob tore from my chest.

"Ponyboy!" Soda set the food down on the table and rushed to me and Darry fell down beside me as well.

They didn't say anything as I cried, letting myself break down. It went on for a while.

When my sobs subsided I looked to my brothers and said in a rather tired and shaky voice, "Let's eat that."

Soda's eyes watered and Darry still looked concerned so I helped myself up and over to the table where my brothers flanked me on both sides.

Looking at each of them, eyes red and emotions swirling I knew one thing for certain, something I perhaps have always known, I will always have my brothers standing right there beside me through it all.

Soda

I woke up in the middle of the night to find Ponyboy missing from the bed. Pushing down a bubble of panic I called out to him quietly, "Pony?"

"Right here Soda" Ponyboys hoarse voice floated into his ears as he walked back into our bedroom. "I guess all that food didn't agree with my stomach because I've been throwing up for the last hour or so."

"Yeah, well, eating so little and then eating so much can't be good for you kiddo. C'mere and lay down, do you need me to get you a bucket?" I asked attentively taking in his sullen eyes and pale face.

"Nah, I'm good I think I got it all out of my system." Ponyboy shrugged before adjusting himself quietly back into his side of the bed.

"If you say so…" I trailed off, still concerned but relieved enough with him and his display of emotion and effort to bother him about it at this point in time during the night.

I snuggled my brother up closely, protectively throwing my arm loosely around him and hoping that he would recover sooner than later and wouldn't fall back into such a state ever again.

There was still a lot of talking to do, but that could wait for tomorrow.

Pony

A week later and I was already looking better. My body still bent inwards in a way that was unhealthy and I had to gain back much more weight but overall I was still doing better. Getting ready for the day I brushed my teeth, grabbed a bite of chocolate cake, and I hopped into Steve's truck and we drove the short distance to school.

My grades were going up little by little and I was trying to do everything I could to get some extra credit.

I stayed late after school talking to my teacher and realized I had missed my ride. Cursing to myself and my absent –mindlessness I resigned to the fact that today I would have to walk home.

On my way out of the schools hallway I bumped head first into someone I wasn't expecting to be there.

"Shit! Shit shit shit!" the stranger cursed out loud, drawing my attention to him. He looked pretty normal, despite the obvious fact that he was a greaser as well. A tattoo peaked out from under his shirt on his left arm and he looked pretty annoyed at me having broken the cancer stick he was holding in his hand.

"Shit kid, can't you watch where you're going?" The guy admonished Ponyboy, looking not so much annoyed anymore as amused.

"Sorry about that I was in hurry and all and you just _flew_ around that corner out of nowhere… you new around here anyways?" I didn't recognize him and I definitely wouldn't forget if I had seen him around. If you were a girl I guess you could find him to be good looking, kind of like soda.

"you could say that, what are you up to anyways?"

"getting ready to walk home. Im kind of glad I ran into someone like you rather than a soc though. I don't have time to deal with that kind of shit today." I complained giving him an exasperated look.

"Whats a soc?"

"You really aren't from around here are you? There the rich kids, though not all of them are as big of shitheads as they try to make themselves out to be." I tried to explain. I gave him a briefing on the conflict between our groups and he nodded as though he were interested.

"Sounds like a shit system. But you seem pretty decent."

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"No but really. You seem like a cool kid, know any good spots around here to kick it?" He asked sincerely "I don't really know anyone here cause I'm new around these parts and all." He smirked cockily and I laughed.

"Sure I do, whats your name anyways?"

"Luke Bryant, and don't you fuckin forget it either. Im gonna tear this city up…what do they call you?"

"My names Ponyboy go for it and laugh for all I care, but that's what they call me." I wave off laughing.

Suddenly a girls voice was calling Lukes name and I turned to see a real cute girl go up and slap Luke real hard on the arm.

"Quit making me wait around for you in such cold weather!" The girls charming voice chastised Luke angrily. I thought it was kind of sweet the way she got angry because her nose scrunched up in a real cute way.

"Aw come on now baby doll why you have to be so rough like that? You know I was on my way out." Luke appraised the girl jokingly.

In the moment that followed Luke and the cute girl bantered like brother and sister would and by the end all three of us were laughing.

"This guy here Ponyboy was just about to show us around Tulsa. I like this kid already." He introduced me. "Still feeling up to it?"

Somehow I just knew I had just got myself into something irreversible. I smiled and said, "What are we waiting for? let's go."

Then we all laughed and walked away from the school and towards the streets of Tulsa.

Do you think pony's friends are going to be good or bad? xD

Sorry its been so long, I thank everyone who has read and reviewed thus far. My life has been really hard lately so ive been having to focus on me but I hope I can give the people who follow this story more chapters. Cheers and happy turkey day!


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